Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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