life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
