Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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