3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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