What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
