: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
