And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
