Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
