he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
