Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
