OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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