I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
