I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
