i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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