I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
