His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
