He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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