we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
