I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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