I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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