So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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