I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i drank out of a bidet.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
