I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't turn off my feet"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
