Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
