We named our party play list daddy issues
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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