just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
