I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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