I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
