hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
