You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
