i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
