Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
These tits shall not be calmed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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