We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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