That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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