I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
