one two three fourrrrnication!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
