Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
