Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
