Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
