Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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