I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
