I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
