No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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