sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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