dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
