Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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