It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
