Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
