maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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