Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
